Waterlungs

This felt like it should be a song, and perhaps with a little working could be! I liked the flow of the poem; it was simple and yet conveyed your message.

I agree with the 'ing' thing - there is also a little problem with the tempo - a couple of stanza have different tempos and this does put the reader off a little - perhaps why I first thought it was lyrics for a song

Overall a good effort - not bad at all for a 16 year old!

I thought, by the title, that this would be a poem about something dark and emotional, but...
Wow, this was really something!

This poem really shows some artistic aptitude, and a natural flow of word; crucial in the world of great poetry.

The first line was brilliant and captivating, the chorus was natural and comfortable, the lines were just great....
I find it hard to say more, though there is a lot to be said about this piece.
Really, great job.

The only thing i would say, would be
Maybe in the fourth stanza, have the verbs that start the lines end in "ing"
"Floating" "Playing" Knowing"
I think it would flow a little better.
When I read the line
"Know I've always got my friends"
I kind of felt a disruption in the poem's movement.

There really wasn't anything in the theme for me to relate to, because I'm not a swimmer, nor do I really enjoy the ocean, but
You really grabbed a hold of me, regardless.
It's generally not so easy for me to enjoy poetry unless I relate to it.

I think you simply captured the beauty of passion, and did it in a very simple and slightly abstract way.
A very applaudable piece!

I loved the idea of the peom. It wasnt bad at all.

To me it seemed like there were words that didn't fit in there.

I would like to see more of your writing because this poem was very good. By the way I love water and the poem is spot on.