View

This was very well written. Excellent descriptions, word choice, and dialog. The story was interesting enough. While at times I was very sucked in, a few seldom times I had to struggle through certain parts. I found your characters interesting, View in particular, and how she interacted with everyone else.

There were a few mechanical errors here and there. The introduction almost killed it for me and I don't think it was necessary. As Scom said, the main character "Train" seemed the weakest of the three. The ending felt anti-climatic to me as there was a great build up only to have a very cliche and hollow ending.

This is some quality work here. It came off sounding very professional. I had a good time reading it, and I'm looking forward to your next piece.

Marc's character was what really hooked me in this one. A simple, classic plot that ended a little roughly story-wise, but i don't think it deserves a negative rating. I'm more critical than praising though.

Although its contrived as being a norm in society today, it was a little too abrupt when he simply took her back to his place. It might have simply been in the wording, but the rushed sense enveloping the "sexing" seemed to portray an irrelevancy to the point of your story, and it showed. why put that if it only ends up seeming like you wrote it to tie the story in a pretty bow?

you NEED atleast one character that doesn't fit the "mysterious" or "eccentric" fold. Train was never really developed enough to be anything but a medium between View and whatever message you were trying to send via her. He was a stick in the mud