Untitled Short Story

Your descriptions were funny and the character you created was interesting to listen to. The twist at the end added a little extra something to the story, and it complimented the plot. I didn't notice many spelling mistakes.

This story went by WAY TOO FAST! Every sentence was a new event. You have to slow it way down, even if it's action-oriented. Give the reader a detailed description of what's going on so they can picture it better. Your sentence structure made things confusing at times, and you definitely need to break it up into more easier to read paragraphs. The twist was nice, but you didn't really build up much of a story for anything to be twisted.

Need to work on describing in more detail. That was the biggest drawback of this story. I did like the way your character told the story, it felt unique and personal. A little hard to read and rough around the edges, but if it gets shredded I'd definitely like a revised resubmission.