The Shadow Slasher *Part 1*

Hello fellow writer!

So you say this is you're first piece, and chose to a genre as difficult as horror, a worthy challenge indeed! (Also, incase you're wondering, I don't talk the way type so I dont sounds nearly as pompous as I do in your head) Well as for your story. I'll just come out and say, it's not very good.

The way that you're writing it; it sounds like you'd be teling it to one of your friends and someone familiar with the general setting prior. As a reader, we don't know enough to get the atmosphere, or sympathize with the characters and horror stories are very, very dependant on these two factors. Also ghosts, but I'm sure that was to come. Boo! Try being more descriptive, elaborate on your charcters to give them a more human feeling.

Also, your grammar, and spelling leaves a lot to be desired.

But as a first piece, it's a start.

I agree with Pseudonym above.

I understand the appeal of writing colloquially, but there is a line between colloquial writing and the lax informality often found in students' creative writing assignments.

It's a bit hard to judge your storytelling capabilities as we only have this short excerpt, but at the very least I would suggest honing your technical skills.

Good luck, and with practice one can only get better!

Its really hard to review a story that goes in parts, mainly because we haven't read the entirety of the story. I can understand chapters of a story, but even in a book, there is a small part of the story being finished or the book is begging you to continue.

My first recommendation is don't post the first draft to the website. Put it into word and then read it yourself. Don't forget spellcheck. Then read it backwards one sentence at a time. Then read it backwards one word at a time.

I like to do this on paper as I can see what changes from draft to draft.

Ok, so it's your first effort, and you know what, it's rough, really rough, but worry not! That's to be expected, honestly. I would suggest, before you bother with another section of the story, brainstorming and creating a skeleton outline of the story, what was the murder 10 years ago like, what are the kids gonna' run in to that connects them (presumably) to the murder. How does that old horror become theirs? Answer some of the basic questions, then begin writing once you have a clear idea where you're going.

Even then, you're initial attempts at stories are going to be rough, you need to work (as it has been stated) on mechanics, flow, and perhaps a bit of dialogue. You more or less dropped us in in the middle of this thing we know nothing about, fix that, because I'm not sure you have a clear idea yourself.

Keep in mind, this is constructive criticism, keep on plugging along. You can only get *better*. So write and write and write.