Ranting consists of an angry misguided person passionately complaining about a subject he or she has a considerable lack of knowledge in. Even though ranters try to make points, they're second-grade handle on the English language causes them to lose any possible point they were trying to make. Why ranters have an obsession with making points is unknown. To this day there have been no known records of a ranter actually making a legitimate point. A ranter came close once, but then the Daytona 500 came back on from a commercial break and he lost his train of thought. One theory believes ranters justify not having any friends by trying to make themselves seem superior to all others. Others suggest they're just “ignorant assholes.”
Ranting began in the Stone Age with Neanderthals. At that time, Ranters shouted obscure grunts and moans to draw attention to themselves. In the past 100,000 years things have remained basically the same. When ranters were introduced to the Internet, they started bashing themselves in the face with their keyboard. This eventually led to what is now called “blogging.” The rants themselves are annoying one-sided monologues from people who don’t deserve to have an opinion on anything. Typically, these “people” are highly opinionated high school drop-outs with low self-esteem that think they know everything when they really know shit. I mean, they're so full of themselves they don't realize they're just stupid fat bastards who continually spat ignorant bullshit out of their mouths like a never ending fountain of worthless vomit that nobody gives a damn about but they just keep going and going completely oblivious to how outlandish and inaccurate they're claims are nor do they even care and it just turns into a babbling mesh of complaints strung together with swear words and exclamation points!
Being a good ranter requires having an incredibly large mouth to be able to spew the large amount of obnoxious crap necessary to reach the appropriate amount of stupidity. Talking loudly makes it easier to tune out everyone elses' opinion which will not be a concern to the ranter at any given time. If a ranter finds them self arguing with someone sharing an equally loud mouth, it is required to speak even louder than the other. The louder they are, the more they know about everything. It is essential to liberally use certain words within their rant to be successful such as: “I mean,” “like,” “fuck,” “stupid,” “I know,” “but,” “really,” “shut up I'm talking,” and as many conjunctions as possible to insure they never come to a complete thought. They especially use the word “and” in between every single thing they say enabling themselves to ramble on and on with no end in sight. When online, blogging and flaming become powerful tools to ranters. Nothing solves problems like arguing in all-caps in a YouTube video comments section. Another great way to solidify one's skills as a ranter is to avoid thesauruses completely.
Most rants are imposed on friends and family with no opinion on the matter or interest for the person saying them. Friends and family are the normally targeted audience because ranters are too afraid to actually speak out about their problems and solutions to the public to possibly fix them. Another reason for their audience selection is their understanding that they will not be physically harmed.
A friend may hear the same rant over and over again because the ranter is so unbelievably hung up on the issue that they just can't let go of the blind strangling grasp they have on it. These are the friends who put up with rants such as:
– How dumb George Bush is, coming from a person who can't locate the United States on the World map and hasn't voted in the past fifteen years.
– How high gas prices are, coming from a person who takes their over-sized diesel truck out mudding every weekend.
– How terrible their job is, coming from a person who ten years ago didn't feel like going to college because they enjoyed their job too much.
– How bad out-sourcing is for the country, coming from a person who gets excited about how cheap his Made in China T-shirts are from Wal-Mart.
– How bad the economy is and how she'd fix it, coming from a person who has 10,000 dollars of credit card debt and spends all of her extra cash on lotto tickets.
The suicide rate for these friends are already up in the bazillions[
citation needed ]! If you are a victim that suffers day-to-day bullshit from a friend, seek help immediately. If you are the friend delivering the bullshit, you need to shut your god damn mouth. If you encounter a ranter, take the nearest sharp object and repeatedly stab it into your ear drums as hard as you possibly can and begin screaming extremely loud. The key is to avoid the hogwash that comes out of the cesspool they consider their mouth. Recent studies from scientists have discovered it to be a biological impossibility for ranters to initiate the process of closing their own mouths, but they're currently doing experiments with duct tape. The NRA has taken an initiative to shoot ranters on site to help reduce their populations and create another excuse to use their guns. Until then, the only surefire immunity is deafness and blindness. If you'd like to become deaf and blind, attend the next local middle school play showing in your area.
When is this epidemic going to end! Everywhere I go there just seems to be more stupid jackasses forcing their frivolous opinions into my cerebrum by practically grabbing my head and fucking it right into my ears, pushing me closer and closer towards blowing what's left of my brains out. I mean, the unbelievable amount of horseshit that I have to wade through on a daily basis has driven me to near insanity and really, if one more fat stupid bastard comes up to me trying to give me diet tips or tell me what “irks” his chain or what grinds his gears or gets his collar hot, I'm going to start flinging shit and I'm not going to take it anymore like I swear I'm going to write a blog about how we should just take all these big dumb stupid assholes and put them all on an island and let them argue amongst each other until they drown themselves in their own bullshit. I mean, I just want one fucking day when I can go to the grocery store without having to endure a rant that will make me want to throw myself off a fucking bridge before hearing ONE MORE STUPID SENTENCE FROM ONE MORE STUPID RANT!
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