I'm afraid I don't like it or dislike it enough to vote but that's an uncertainty not a condemnation. However, my opinion would be that poems with such short sentances are very difficult to construct well and its your diction that will make or break the piece if your set on writing it in this style. Try too keep a handle on how your rhyming structure affects rhythm. If you change the structure midway thats the poetic equivelant of tripping over a hurdle, all of the readers attention is suddenly fixed on the one line that doesn't sit right and it ruins the whole poem no matter how well the rest works. Lose the ing's, affix some perspicacious synonyms (see what I did there) and it'll go from average to good without you having to alter the style.
I finally decided to vote positive but cannot review as I have reached my maximum. My comments are similar to all others - you probably didn't need to rhyme with this! I liked the style - and particularly liked the pace. I found that if I read it very fast it was fun and rewarding. Poetry is often very hard to review, as it's down to the particular readers subjective views......but personally I liked the 'speed' and the content...
As I drove home through the pounding rain, my eyes straining to see the lanes on the parkway, I began to formulate my next poem. I find the thought process involved relaxing, and it makes the one and a half hour journey easier.
Once I arrive home, half exhausted by the drive and the day’s work I am greeted at the door by my dogs. This is one of the great pleasures of my life. The...
