Souls

The theme was kind of interesting,
And the eye-color concept was a nice touch.

Of course, grammar was a major issue. (Wrong form of "too", complete lack of apostrophes.) The piece was hard to read, or take seriously at all because of the basic grammatical errors.
It seemed to get repetitive, like you were stating the same thing over and over for a while, almost word for word. If you were going for a flow in that, it didn't come through. It just looked like you have a very limited vocabulary.
There was also no flow in the writing. If you were going for chaotic, understand that, in writing, even chaos has a flow and feel to it, when done right.

The piece can't be taken seriously until you fix all the grammar.
The girl part also seemed a bit unnecessary. It felt like you just threw her in randomly. It would have worked better if you had put more around the girl in the poem.
If you want to write dark poetry, you have to look for more creative points, and more figurative language. But, really, above all is the grammar. You can't get anywhere without proper spelling.

As a whole, I think this poem had some potential. I did think the concept was interesting and somewhat original, and I liked the fact that a lot of it seems to be symbolic or metaphorical, even if I'm not sure exactly what it symbolizes.

There were many spelling mistakes throughout the poem (most notably the use of "to" instead of "too" and the lack of apostrophes in contractions like "don't"). In addition, punctuation and capitalization were very inconsistent. Capitalization, in particular, was a problem. I'm not sure if any of it was intentional, but when the first letter of each line is only sometimes capitalized, and seemingly random words are capitalized in mid-line, it looks sloppy.

As I already mentioned, I'm not even sure what this poem is really about, or whether or not there is a deeper meaning beneath the surface. I hope there was, because the quality of writing throughout the poem was mediocre at best, partly because the vocabulary rarely consisted of anything beyond the simple one- and two-syllable words. Free-verse poetry not limited by rhyme or rhythm should be more carefully written.

On the surface, the whole thing is a bit childish and cliché, much of the imagery and supposed symbols being the typical descriptions of darkness and light. What bothered me most was the part about the beautiful girl with the aquamarine eyes. Bonus points for the big word, but the introduction of a typical "beautiful girl" seemed to interrupt the direction of the poem and flush a lot of the originality down the drain. The fact that she was the only one who was "not damned" also made me wonder why, and of course, I came up with no answer other than the hypothesis that this is a weirdly metaphorical love poem disguised as something dark and depressing.

All in all, even though the poem was interesting, I didn't enjoy it so much, partly because of all the spelling and capitalization errors that distracted me. Also, I apologize if I completely misunderstood the whole point of the poem, but I didn't really see the point of it all. Perhaps it should have been a little more transparent...?