Souls

It's a start, but it definitely needs some improvement.

The imagery was good, and on some level reminded me of "Dante's Inferno." The length wasn't bad either, since the poem functioned as a short story as well.

But what brought the poem down was all the grammar and syntax errors in it. What you might want to think about doing next time is running your idea through a word processor, and moreover, giving it a careful proofread before copying and pasting it onto the site. And even then, give it another couple of reads, since shit does happen, and it might have not transferred the way you wanted it to.

The worst mistake writers make here is hammering out a piece of literature directly onto the site, then hitting "submit" without a second thought.

Your poetry isn't bad, it just needs some mechanical help, and a little more care and love before it's submitted. Keep writing, and it'll come to you.

[rant] What really, really annoys me in some of the (few) pieces of poetry I have had time so far to read on here is the abuse of capitalisation. Damned, possibly could have a capital. Soul shouldn't, as far as I can see. If you intend for those letters to have emphasis, then that should be left to the reader - and if not, why do it? [/rant]

I disliked a few phrases too, the use of vivaciousness - it is a hugely long word, and felt like to fit it in you would need to rush it out. Similarly the line where others had knives, it seemed like a forced rhyme, and felt out of place.

But, on the whole not that bad - I would say that overall I am indifferent to your poem - it could have been a good poem, but there were too many flaws for the beauty of it to shine through. But worth taking it, refining it over the next couple of days, and resubmitting it. I would like to see a version after three days of consideration, thinking about what is necessary, what is not.