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Adam looked across the desert. The town in the distance looked marvelous in the late hours. He was thinking hard. I want to write something, he thought. A great manuscript, of epic proportions. But I am not inspired enough to do that, said he. Nothing could stir him to take up quill and create such writing. He decided to go to bed.
He couldn’t sleep. I’m running out of money, he thought. Food is scarce. Barely any water. And no woman could possibly learn to love him, with him being quite lazy. He had the fantasies of some extraordinarily beautiful woman being his wife, doing chores, sleeping with him at a snap of the finger. Like that would happen. If only he could create the world in his own vision, a world where nothing would go wrong, perfection. And then it hit him.
Jumped out of his bed and bolted to his stone desk. Furiously scribbling with quill and many a cup of ink in close proximity. In a matter of twenty minutes and forty five seconds, he finished what just might be the greatest writing any human being ever saw.
Genesis, the Creation of Man, written by his own hand. And he was the star character of the show. He assumed two roles, that of God, and that of Adam (which he named after himself) The God had supernatural powers, he could create anything he desired. So, just like the man who wrote the story, he created the perfect world, the Garden of Eden.
Adam then went to bed and got a wonderful rest.
He decided to scurry over to town and see if he could persuade any publishers to be interested. Today was quite busy; must be Market Day, thought Adam. After unsuccessfully attempting to wade through the massive crowd, he decided to spend a moment to rest, so he leaned against a nearby pillar. A beggar moseyed up to him and began poking Adam with a sharp stick and asking if he could spare any coins so the beggar could buy lunch today. It got tedious quickly. Adam, who thought the beggar might follow him, threw up a copper and walked away swiftly. Most of the crowd converged on the copper, and he stole away to the nearest building. Adam then saw a man very well know for his writing, Daniel, of whom Adam was very fond of, and admired Daniel. Daniel! , shouted Adam. Daniel approached and asked, What is it you require of me, my brother? Please, read some of this, it shall surely leave an impression on you and your belief of how the world was created. Daniel scrolled through the pages, and said, What is your age, brother Adam? I am twenty years in this land, Daniel. , responded Adam. You write in a different age, my brother. This theory is beyond any other. , said Daniel. Oh, this isn’t a theory, replied Adam. What? , asked Daniel. It is not a theory, but a complete story, Daniel. I have created my own world, and I wish for your advice on how I can improve it. , responded Adam. You, mean, you’re just trying to make some kind of drama? , Daniel asked. That’s just it! , said Adam. Come with me. , said Daniel.
They arrived at Daniel’s house. It smelled of rich food and alcohol. Adam’s nose wrinkled. Who’s drinking? , asked Adam. Shut up. , replied Daniel. They sat at Daniel’s table. This could turn out to be a great story, said Daniel. I can see it now: the paradise that the characters live in, shattered, by this ‘God’s’ warning, do not eat from the tree.
When did I say it was going to be a disaster book? , asked Adam. Adam, the people are suckers for the drama, the tension, add a little sex and you have a major coin gathering device. Adam was stunned. This maniac was gonna ruin his story. Now, we just need to add a little devil to screw up paradise. , said Daniel. What are talking about? You’re ruining my story. , said Adam. Oh, on the contrary, my friend, I am spicing it up. Our audience is going to mostly be men, so we can have the female, Eve, take the blame for stealing the fruit of the tree, then she blames it on the little devil, who, who is a snake, yeah, this god smites the devil, Satan!, that’s a good name, so then, Adam, did you name him after yourself?, whatever, and Eve are banished from the Garden, and have to live on their own. , said Daniel, who took a long breath after speaking. A sure bestseller.
At the town hall, a large dinner, annual dinner. Adam never really knew what it was for. But he wouldn’t. He wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, as evidenced by his characters. Daniel coughed loudly and tapped his glass with a silver spoon. The dinner was actually for the publication of their book. Which was not finished. Daniel had decided to make it a series. Adam persuaded Daniel out of illustrations, however. Thank you all for coming, I appreciate the support, and… this is only the first in a long, long series of publications. The crowd cheered with the least of enthusiasm. They had finally agreed; fifty percent profit for each, the usual, but the second half of the book would be written by other authors, however, only the first few chapters were by Adam and Daniel. Daniel was much older than Adam, about two hundred. No wonder he didn’t think straight. Adam figured he’d live to about four hundred, but he would most likely have to take up Daniel’s ‘habits’. Or so Adam thought. The book was a great creation, despite the explicit content, and Adam appreciated Daniel’s help. Adam needed a wife or two. Spice up life. He wished he could live in his book.
What a fantasy. This book’s world, such fiction, lies, not a possible event was real. But that was what made it so attracting. Although this God did not want his people to do bad things, they did them all the time. And these spectacular shows, ‘miracles’ they were called, happened so often in you’d think they grew on trees. Of course, only on trees of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. You can’t bend the rules or have too many adjectives with this type of material. Then people would think it wasn’t real.
So, the book opened with critical praise and great reviews;
‘Adam so creates our world with a stunning sweep of the quill, our minds boggled by this God he tells us about.’
‘Young Adam is brilliant. The world as we know it is changed all because of this one piece of literature.’
‘Who’d a thunk this was how I got borned; I got created by some rib? Cripes.’
Adam became the richest man in all the country, and eventually gained the title of ‘God’, which was pretty cool to Adam. He had everything now; a grand palace, riches, and most importantly, women. He lived for many years; he had the country renamed for all the places in his book, and all the people, too, to keep everything realistic.
Before Adam died, he assembled a team of writers to continue his book.
‘I want my son to be the star of the show now. With a few places for me, of course.’
Since everyone thought Adam was actually the God of his story, and they had forgotten that Adam was his name, they obeyed his Word. And so there was a special sequel to the book, which was called the New Part of an Old Story. (For publicity reasons) Adam’s son, who was named Jesus, was labeled with a nice picture of him with a bunch of children, which made many people think he was a good person. However, he shared the same traits of his father, and when he found a suitable partner, Jesus had many children. (All of whom changed their names to keep out of the tenacious public light)
So, the team of writer’s was hard at work, following Jesus every which way, to every grocery visit, every church meeting, and every strip club. They didn’t have this much to write when he was a kid. Now they had to think of fantastical stuff to fill up the new book, like walking on water, making blind people see, conjuring up fish from an empty basket, the works. Then, when the government arrested Jesus for loitering, things got really out of hand for the writers.
‘How are we supposed to explain what happened to all the fans?’
They thought of a brilliant sub-story to the main plot, in which Jesus’ disappearance was all explained, that a one of the writer’s turned him in for not being completely good. Poor Judas, the very worst of all the writers and the laziest, was blamed for Jesus’ ‘death’. So he became very sad, and hung himself in grief. When Jesus was eventually released, the team of writers had him strangled and punched holes in his hands and feet to fit with the rest of the story. They blamed this on the governor and, to the surprise of many, the people themselves. However, nobody argued, since the book was the word of God, and all of it was true, in fact.
After awhile, the writers began dying off, one by one, until only John the Crackhead was left. Now, it was a ‘miracle’ in itself that John hadn’t drugged himself to death yet, and even more so that he had an ‘idea’, so to speak, for the last part of the book.
‘Man, I got this bitchin’ idea for the finale of the book, man. I’m gonna reveal, you know what I’m sayin’, the whole point of the book. So, like, I’m gonna use some metaphors and stuff… Wait, what’s with the flying guys, dude…?’
And so was Revelation. John eventually died; had a bad nightmare, to end it all.
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Writing needs a lot of work
Posted Sep 11, 2008
It was an interesting story line. A humorous concept of how the bible was written.
The main problem was the writing. Really... it needs a lot of work. There's no style of flow... it feels disorganized and lazy. For example, the paragraph that keeps saying "said Adam" "... (
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