Random Topics and Other Complete Thoughts

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The mind is a great thing to waste, and I’ve gotten very close to accomplishing this goal. The results;

1. There is nothing more annoying than writing a short story or poem as a school assignment. It’s an utterly degrading process if, in the first place, you are an inexperienced and utterly bad author, and for aspiring, ‘real’ writers, it’s just a large, inane waste of time. It’s not like writing a short story will help a person succeed in life if, say, they become a doctor or a truck driver.
2. Does anybody else hate it when a person puts a bad guitar-playing video on Youtube? Because it sure pisses me off. Can’t they spare everybody from their inability to play the instrument? No; instead, they torture my ears with their ‘tapping’. Uggh.
3. Whenever I go to Target, I always have this eerie premonition that some old lady who’s leaning like a cripple over their grocery cart is staring at my ass. Either that, or I think that their actually FOLLOWING ME. Gives me goosebumps.
4. Advertisers want you to smoke it. They’re pure evil, especially with those Camel ads in Sports Illustrated; like I’m actually going to score a hottie at the carwash by pulling out a twelve pack. But I didn’t know that when I was ten, goddammit.
5. When I typed in the previous goddammit on Word, a suggested word was goldsmith. Three words; what the hell? How in Jesus land would goddammit be confused with goldsmith? Gaaah!
6. It’s nigh impossible to find feature length porn these days. I can’t come up with seventeen dollars every month for twenty five quality sites! So frustrating.
7. Does Chuck Norris believe in God? Trick question: Chuck Norris is God.
8. Disregard that previous joke.
9. I’m listening to a Coldplay album, because I’m sad. Don’t ask why.
10. Where am I supposed to find Waldo? He’s a fricking fictional character. I hate those colorful books he hides in. Evil like those Camel advertisers.
11. There was kid I was sitting next to in Lit class, and he asked me how to spell nigger. Really?
12. But that’s not as bad as a girl who texted me and called me a ‘faget’. I told her to suck Satan’s big penis.
13. At least people are forgetting how to spell racial slurs. That’s a plus.
14. I’m the only person I know who chews regular flavored gum. Screw Stride.
15. There was this guide to getting pussy, and one of the reviews of this article was wondering why the author forgot how to get lesbian pussy. I know the secret; dress up like a girl, and tell the lesbian that you’re a tranny. Works for me every time.
16. Due to problems with the new field that’s being installed, our school’s homecoming and dance has been moved… by a month. Instead of having the dance in September, it’ll be in October. So, I’ll be needing that ‘special poem’ back, Jasmin… Well, never mind, you probably threw it out already.
17. That’s why I’m sad. Not depressed, but sad. A little blue. But I finished all my crying yesterday, so it’s all good now.
18. What if stop signs were yellow? The world would be so different….
19. The shorts I wear look like swim trunks, so people think that I’m Aquaman and I live in the lake.
20. Flying saucers DO NOT EXIST. F.Y.I., History Channel.
21. I hate Sonic Youth and the Beatles.
22. What if Steve Jobs got shot by a Windows employee?
23. I love the New Yorker. Awesome magazine.
24. I apologize in advance if some of the people who read this do not think it is funny, despite the quite obvious ‘Humor’ style labeling. If you wish to read something you might think is funny, I’d suggest Moby Dick or The Bible. Classics, and laughing riots at that. It could take you awhile to finish the entire text, but it sure is worth it.
25. I wish terribility was a word.
26. Captain Planet was a badass. So was Santa.
27. Just a good tip; if you’re looking at a really smoking hot girl, make perfectly sure that your mouth is not hanging open. Just make sure, for the sake of the male gender, okay?
28. Disregard previous statement if it’s Megan Fox. Holy shit. Don’t worry; she won’t see you and take up five seconds slapping your stupid face. Too many cameras around. But that might happen, so still be careful about it.
29. Did you use a condom?
30. To conclude this list of random topics and thoughts, I’ll just give you one, commonly used phrase to think about;
That’s what she said.
Take a minute for it to register, and go on your way.
31. Disregard previous statement. What was I thinking?

And so goes my Wednesday evening. Have a nice day.

• just a rant

  by jeangenet

  Posted Nov 13, 2008
  +4
  it was so pure
  
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• Date Added
• Sep 17, 2008 at 9:00 PM
• Article Type
• Opinion
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• Humor, Rant, Other
• Topics
• People, Miscellaneous
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