Rain

• 
  Article
• 1 Review
• 3 Comments

(Note: "-"s denote spacing that wouldn't show up on Papertank)

Today
the sky is gray.
Silent
at the moment.
The clouds do not weep
yet.
Then they open
their hearts
and the rain
falls.

It falls.
Falls.
-----Falls.
-----------Falls.
Bounces
off the trees.
Slides
------down
------------the
---------------rooftops
onto the ground
below,
filling in the pores
and making puddles
to splash in.

What a wondrous
sound
the rain makes.
Do you hear
it?
Pit pat.
-------Pit pat.
On the ground.
Such a soothing
melody.

I watch
it out my window
As the water hits the
glass.
Thud!
------Thud!
Announcing its
arrival
to me.
Hello, rain.
You are always welcome
here.

• Design is good

  by imdeadgoaway

  Posted Sep 7, 2008
  +12
  I think the visual aspect of the poem was rather nice, and went well with the read. Pleasant poem, and a nice feel. A simple feel, as rain is something that some time or another is wonderful to everyone.
  
  I'd change a little bit in this verse
  "onto the ground
  below,... (read more)

• Boxtop
  May 16, 2008
  Alright. Thanks.
• Justin
  May 16, 2008
  It was a nice enough poem, and the spacing to represent shape and motion was somewhat clever. It was a pretty cliche topic. I thought the sound effects used made the poem sound like it was written by a seventh grader. Some more colorful word choice would have made this sound a lot better, give a thesaurus a try. Although the spacing was a novel approach, it doesn't really add anything to the poem so I think it could have been avoided.
• Boxtop
  May 16, 2008
  Can somebody please tell me why they gave me a -4? What do I need to improve on?

• Date Added
• May 15, 2008 at 10:29 PM
• Article Type
• Literature
• Genres
• Poetry
• Topics
• Fantasy
• Overall Statistics
• 166 Views
• 9 Votes
• Site Rankings
• #343 for Score
• #82 for Popularity