My path and every step

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• 2 Reviews
• 2 Comments

I view my path and every step.
The choice to meander is mine.
Pulses of fury and love and time
ignite to force blood through my veins.
Temporary eternity will torture me,
my soulless carcass flogged and waiting,
but the sores and scars can’t break my heart,
unless I decide it to be so.
Friends stand by idly, naively,
as my mind feasts upon my chest;
bits of laughter defect my cage,
but tears will only rust the bars.
The beasts that rend and gnaw me most
are the hopeful words that we did trade.
Our promises of love and life,
beyond the cities which we now stay
still remain, though many years away,
and torment me in shadows.
Cloaked, upcoming memories
define my test with distance.
And on this quest I will stay unless
my mind is marred by listlessness.
To which I’ll fight because my life
is there forever dependent.

• An Enjoyable Peice

  by Heather

  Posted Aug 30, 2008
  +4
  "but tears will only rust the bars."
  
  This line is excellent Treborsinna, one of the best lines in this peice.
  
  "I view my path and every step.
  The choice to meander is mine.
  Pulses of fury and love and time"
  
  I would sugge... (read more)

• finishline927
  Aug 30, 2008
  I think this would do better in more than one stanza. I liked what you were getting to in the last few lines though.
  Thanks for the read & good luck.
• Crowley
  Aug 30, 2008
  Can I recommend losing the oxymoron "temporary eternity". I'm personally a big fan of oxymorons in poetry but this just seems like it's there for its own sake and it hinders that line.

• Date Added
• Aug 29, 2008 at 5:00 PM
• Article Type
• Opinion
• Genres
• Poetry
• Topics
• People
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