Misplaced

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  Article
• 1 Review
• 2 Comments

Ok before you read i know im a horrible speller, and i wrote this in notepad.

Every day was hard
For this boy at the age of eight
Not knowing the meaning of life
He felt so unseen
Everyday at school he is neglecgted
But thats ok
Since at home all he gets are scars
trying to keep his messed up family
behind bars
Lying to the cops
Saying he didnt know where they are
While they were
Right there in the room next to him
Getting high on drugs and stuff
Just anything thing to make them feel better
Leaving the surrounding world
Not carring for anyone in it
He just sits there feilings hurled
Night after night
without knowing the feeling of being loved
He sits there not knowing the meaning of life
Or anyone in it
since all he sees is his roll models behind masks
Untill one day he drives with his daddy
Being told daddy needs to do an erran
And to sit tight
As daddy walks to a car
A man steps out and some words are exhanged
to the ground the man goes
With a shot to the chest
The gun went bang
We have to go says daddy slamming the door
as the car shot up gravel
And they sped away
That image fallowed by many other
Still haunts that boy today
At the age of sixteen
He was called by his parents
from the jail
Lies flooded his ears
As his parents told him what happened
But a week later his mother told him the truth
Saying they went clean from from coke and meth
Told him the cops gave them a choice
to either lose there boys to a foster family
Or put the pipe and drugs out of there life
But now at the age of eighteen
The boy still questions life
As he gets high just to get away from it all
Feeling lost and that nothing is the truth
Now knowing that life doesnt have meaning
Untill the meaning of life is answered
i will be misplaced

• Needs a lot of work

  by imdeadgoaway

  Posted Aug 25, 2008
  +8
  The last line was powerful, and kind of saved the piece a bit.
  
  Spelling errors are excusable in the situation I guess, but there were some errors that could be caught easily with a proofread. The piece goes for a dark, depressing scene, but...
  It's just not too strong. It's no... (read more)

• Crowley
  Aug 25, 2008
  Ok just saw your note at the top, apologies.
• Crowley
  Aug 25, 2008
  Most of what I'd say you'll either know already or someone else will point out. Just one thing that bugs me is that if the mistakes are deliberate, to emphasise the subject matter, then they should be more consistent, otherwise it just looks like you can't spell. Try referencing Flowers for Algrenon for how to write deliberate mistakes well. Keyes is very good at it.

• Date Added
• Aug 25, 2008 at 7:01 AM
• Article Type
• Literature
• Genres
• Poetry, Story
• Topics
• People
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• 73 Views
• 2 Votes
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