Love Sonnet

A noble attempt. It's nice to see that people are still interested in writing sonnets. There is also some interesting imagery.

Understandably when one writes in meter there is going to be some inherent rigidity. But the majority of the piece seems forced, like you were trying a bit too hard to fit the patterns. The final couplet is the most successful as it reads the most naturally, yet it barely manages to not get lost in the previous lines and their unfortunate cliches.

One might also want to keep in mind the effect that punctuation has on the feeling of a sonnet. For example, simply omitting the comma from the second couplet creates a new flow, keeping it from sounding accidentally abrupt. Just because one can fit a comma at the end of a line doesn't necessarily mean it belongs there.

It's a good start, but the words become too heavy for the form. Poetry in general is meant to be heard, not just read, and several readings-aloud during the writing process could definitely help.

I don't know what they're on about. Perhaps they don't like sonnets.

Form is dead on, flows fairly smooth. Sonnets aren't, in my opinion, meant to be overly descriptive and meaningful, but it certainly got packed in there. We see this obsessed writer (wa ho Dan, those exist?!) reaching for ideas of a piece for the love of his life, utterly failing. A nice transition to a life lesson: we don't know happiness without sorrow. Flows right back into our writer's difficulties and ends with the writer's obsession for this lady. They don't get too much better than this

I say they're not meant to be overly descriptive, because they don't get too wordy. They're short and sweet. I found the second four lines a little to wordy for a sonnet, but that is only my opinion.

I also noticed for almost the entire thing, the lines capitalize every odd line, save for the end. Would have been a nice little structure to see used and the last four lines could be altered in that way.

I blame terrorists for the negative votes this got.