Leaving town!

It had a lot of rhyming, and a strong flow. There were feelings in the piece that I was able to relate to, and I could see the theme of the poem pretty clearly.

As mentioned, the rhyme was too much. It kind of sounded like you were taking any chance you could to rhyme, and that gives it a feel of immature writing.

Mmmm
Not the greatest poem in the world, but
could be made into a rap or something maybe?
That's what it kind of came off as...

The first 5 lines are good - my guess would be those were the starting point, the part you heard in your head repetitively until you wrote it.

The rest of the poem. There is far too much rhyme, as Justin says, try to avoid choosing a word for a rhyme, rather find a rhyme for a word. Far more effective than the line where every second word rhymes is a line, or even a stanza structure which makes you expect that and then drops you just as you have come to expect a line, or a line which is relevant to the poem, but a misfit to the rhyme structure.

Don't try to rewrite it any time soon, becuase you will keep hearing the same lines you already wrote. Leave it, and start a new piece, and try to write a poem without a single rhyme, because that is really difficult and interesting to do.

That was some nice rhymin' and some nice rhythm! You had something you wanted to express and you stuck to it, and you expressed it well through your rhymes.

I could almost expect hearing this in a low budget rap song. I think you went a little crazy with the rhyming a few times! As if you found a couple words that rhymed together and slipped into your poem. Not every line has to have a rhyme within it. And some of your lines barely fit with the rest of the poem, and only inserted because it was a good rhyme.

I know it sounds crazy for a rhyming poem, but lay off on the rhymes. Look around for some more interesting and uncommon words to rhyme. Try rhyming every other line. Avoid Dr. Seuss "Hop on Pop" rhymes.