Juvenile Delinquency

Your killer in this one feels much more realistic than in your previous submission and it really enhances the story. You throw the audience right into the middle of things and keep them there through out. You showed just enough of the main character's history so we could get an understanding of him. Your dialog was once again, superb.

I found the whole thing to be very cliche. Kid was abused by parents. Girlfriend dumps him. Kid tries to kill girlfriend. The ending did have some nice twist and turns to break out of it. Not much more than that bothered me.

You did exactly what all great writers do. Improve. You took your last submission and did a complete overhaul. You shortened up your piece, made the main character more dynamic, made it feel more realistic, and expanded the overall quality. Heres to hoping this trend will continue!

Your character is obviously fucking nuts and you played it well. His use of 'syke' and his proclamations of badassery usually wouldn't fit in a story, but it did here. I like the psycho ass character, start a series with him. You know, reveal more about his shitty past and more about his 'badass' future.

If you took more time to develop the other parts of your writing, the story would take off. Better use of vocabulary, sentence structure, detail etc. Your character creation could be taken so much further and I have a feeling that you are able to do that.... so do it!

Well done overall but it seems like you didn't put all the effort into the story that you could have. I would like to see more.