Inferior God

Iono...theres alot more form here than I usually see with death metal lyrics (as in rhythm to the lines, normally rhythm doesn't really matter so its not there), but I like that - makes it easier to read and understand. There are some great thoughts in here too "I hold everything in iron hearts and paper wills" "why is god not smiting me?"

There are some lines that are so abstract I don't understand them, such as "putting earthquakes inside of pills"...I WANT to like that line, because it SEEMS to be saying something majestic, but part of me also thinks that its just that, it seems but doesn't actually do. And theres the whole 'and' thing everyone else talked about.

It's good, a little too much rhythm to be completely death metal, unless its not sung to the rhythm its read at. I can certainly hear it as death metal though (and no, simeycook - reimstein are NOT death metal). Decent meaning and thoughts too.

I liked the feel of this piece. The language was nice, and it flowed well. From what Metal I've listened to, I can see how these lyrics would fit in.
I really liked the rhyming lines in the second stanza.
Really had a ....ring to them. Interesting concept that stuck.

In the first line, "an" should be "and" (even if you sing it differently)
In the second stanza, I'd say remove "just" from the second line. I think that line flows better without.

I don't think I can say much more...
I'm not a metal fan, so I have little to say about the lyrics.

It's a good thing you mentioned that it's a metal piece, because I probably wouldn't have thought much of it as a poem. The theme is just something that would bemuse me a bit, but as lyrics, especially metal lyrics, it makes sense. Good job.

I am lucky that my daughter loves death metal so I can actually read this 'article' in the correct way. It is succinct and seems to lend itself to the 'genre' pretty well - I'm reading this article as if it's being sung by 'Rammstein' - not sure if you'd class them as Death Metal quite though?

I guess that the lyrics do hold up well when played with heavy rock music and with that sinister voice - the lyrics themselves are dark enough and have some emotions giving them the right feel.

I like your catch line "But you’re worshiping an inferior god"

The key to this is that you have to 'say' it in the right tone to make it effective.

Unfortunately you probably will get some negative reviews because without a little knowledge of 'death metal' this probably won't make sense.

There's a couple of minor errors.

"But you’re worshiping and inferior god" - should be 'an'

From a poetry perspective this does have flaws (but for a death metal song this doesn't matter). The theme shifts slightly a couple of times which is confusing at times.

It's hard to know how to rate this. In context it is a good piece of work (as in Death metal context) - as a 'poem' or 'lyric' is does feel a little unfinished though. You got the thumbs up because it does seem to fit the 'Death Metal' genre pretty much....