I Hate Being Jacob

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  Article
• 1 Review
• 6 Comments

"You're my Jacob," she says
Well I don't want to be
I hate being the one you love out of pity
Come to when he's gone
Tell me your secrets just to later change your mind.

I want to grab her arm
Damn this computer
These virtual walls blocking physical confrontation
But I didn't say any of this
Of course
I was speechless.

"He's my Edward," she says
Words stabbing me like daggers
Does she even have a heart?
No?
Figured as much
All I could do was sit here
On this computer
Speechless

"I'm Bella," she says
Well no shit
Who else are you gonna be
Her father?
On the outside I laughed
On the inside I cried
But I was still
Speechless...

"Well?" she says
Well, what?
Well...
Well,
Well?
Speechless

"You're so immature," she says
I'm immature?
You just compared our "love"
To Twilight
TWILIGHT!
Speechless

"I'm gonna go," she says
Then she signs off
And he signs on
And I sigh
And he asks

"How are things with you and Bella?
Tied the knot yet?"


Speechl-
"Fuck you, Twilight sucks."

Also, she sucked my dick once.

• AH!!!

  by imdeadgoaway

  Posted Jan 25, 2010
  +24
  I'm reviewing this, more or less, just so I can give it more than a "+2".
  
  Very good job. Started out a bit slow, I was uneasy, but you didn't disappoint. Very funny, and, well, shit - pretty damn real.
  You did a good job of making this girl seem pretty damn slap-w... (read more)

• darkelfspiano
  Feb 15, 2010
  This.... made me laugh. I hate it when people compare there lives to Twillight. Makes me sick.
• Michael
  Jan 28, 2010
  This reminded me of your poem when I saw it last night:
  http://www.mylifeistwilight.com/view/Love/20974
  That whole site is pretty disturbing.
• TripleMerc
  Jan 28, 2010
  Yeah, thank your roommate, that was a killer closing.
• Crowley
  Jan 26, 2010
  I wouldn't delete it. Somehow it works and made me laugh. The whole poem is very untraditional and has a spontaneous feel so it could well be the kind of grumpy thought someone would have when they're pissed off with thier relationship. I can also imagine someone writing that on msn or facebook chat or wherever this monologue is set but then thinking better of actually sending it which also fits in with the tone of the poem.
• NotHere
  Jan 26, 2010
  "Also, she sucked my dick once."
  
  I apologize, that's what I get for making my roommate proof read it and letting him submit it for me >:(
• Michael
  Jan 24, 2010
  Is it wrong that I immediately thought of Twilight as soon as I saw the name Edward? It kind of creeped me out when I kept reading and eventually saw the word Twilight right there on the screen. Hahaha. Funny poem, by the way. I think this is the first time I've ever seen something categorized as "poetry" and "rant" at the same time.

• Date Added
• Jan 24, 2010 at 9:02 PM
• Article Type
• Opinion
• Genres
• Humor, Poetry, Rant
• Topics
• Romance, Entertainment
• Overall Statistics
• 216 Views
• 9 Votes
• Favorited by 4 Users
• Site Rankings
• #34 for Score
• #140 for Popularity
• #3 for Favorites
• Honors Received
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