The shortness has a point, manox. Don't just read the words on the page, because there's meaning behind them. Think about it before you give me a poor score.
However, I don't think you should worry too much about the shortness of the car crash bit. True, it's shaky and could use a little more work, but I commend you for not trying to explain the hell out of things. The first article I submitted here (written 5 years ago, for any age-ists out there) never explained the character's death, and that was one of the first things some people jumped on, perhaps because it's such a commonality for facts to be plainly laid out for people to ingest and not work for.
That being said, being able to write briefly yet cleverly is much harder than being completely explanatory, and once you find the balance you'll find that it can be much more satisfying to not give everything away.
I understand why the car crash scene was done short, and have no problems with the descriptions, but its the sentence structure and grammatical errors of the scene which break it into that specific comment. The crash was meant to lead into the hospital scene, because any more description might have given away the next part.
Re-reading my review, probably should have separated the back story comment from the car crash part comment, my bad.
Put you hate on paper
They won’t know it’s you
All people are the same
Gain major fame
Sign here in blood
And you’ll win the game
It’ll sell well
But a trip to hell
Hell, what’s it matter
Have a bestseller
In your wallet now
Choose wisely
Poverty or riches
Your own bitches
Stop being one
...
