Family

The concept of the article was good. The very slight aspects of attempted humor got my brain thinking about a giggle here and there, but never fully surfaced.

Where do I start? The grammar is horrible. I think my sister's fetus can write better than that. Also, every other sentence seemed to be a new subject, barely relevant to the last one, making this whole article a maze of confusion.

Work on the grammatical errors. Also, try to connect one idea to another, or expand more fully on your ideas to develop good paragraphs. Don't just slop down some thoughts and rant about nothingness.

Decent idea I suppose, but it still needs a lot of work

Spelling needs to be fixed in places
grammar is a bit off
lack of humour ( when it really needed some)

All the above makes this not an enjoyable piece when it comes to reading. though saying that I've still read worse.

Go back to the drawing board and try and work out some jokes you can put into this. Remember that if YOU find something funny or amusing then it is funny and amusing, you just have to work out the best way to put it across so that everyone else finds it funny.

Do that, and you;ll find pieces like this will work quite well.

It's hard to find any. If you look really, really, deep into the toilet bowl that is this article you'll find a few chunks of personal opinion and very slight humor. The biggest pro? It's short.

Alright, now I'm not going to go on bashing this into the pavement. I want you to come out of this a better writer than you came in. I'll admit, this is bad. You seriously have to make sure everything is spelled right, use proper punctuations, and GRAMMAR. Work on your GRAMMAR. Put more thought into your next article and try to keep it focused on just one subject instead of the big ugly mess of barely connected thoughts that this article is.

It had potential. But it all got flushed down the drain. Seriously try harder next time, take in all the advice you can from more experienced writers, and keep on writing!