False Execution

It was an interesting concept, definite sci-fi/1984(ish) theme. Good insight into the "criminal's" mind, and a prominent dark mood.

It was much too long for what was said. It got kind of repetitive, with the constant puking, reusing adjectives, abuse, etc. A lot of the wording just felt... uninteresting and cliche. "Evil" was used too many times to describe the guards, though you never really explained why they were bad. The story is kind of a whirlwind of confusion until the end, but not in a tastefully chaotic way. The blocks of the characters thoughts near the end were also not too intriguing. I kind of skimmed those...

It's really not a bad concept, and could work well in a longer, more satisfying short story that you spent time one. It felt like by the time I got to the twist, I wasn't so interested any more...
Something I'd say you should come back to someday, when you have more writing experience under your belt. It could be turned into something good then.

By the way, if he hadn't eaten in two weeks, how did he puke so much?

I like the stream-of-consciousness, to a point. The beginning of the story is also promising as well as vivid; the first several sentences kept me engaged to find out what exactly was going on.

Repetition is good, but the buildup of usages of "vomit," "evil," "fuck," etc. at some point gets to be a bit trite. And although the beginning is interesting enough, the story itself muddles into an incomprehensible mess somewhere along the middle of the piece and leaves me confused about where, how, and why the president bit fits into everything. I understand not explaining everything (I prefer it, actually), but it may be helpful to offer up a bit more in the way of clues for the reader.

Decent start, but I agree with Flragnararch about taking your time. It would be helpful to flesh out the story a bit more so that it's not just a series of repeated senses, but rather an actual environment.

Because there were a lot of good things in this story. The beginning makes you feel the craziness that seems to be going on in this man's mind through the good descriptions. The switches to the different scenes in my mind make it feel like scene changes in a movie.

The main reason for the negative vote was, I didn't like the story. The beginning made it look like this was going to be a good piece, but then the random jump in of the President scene just plain confused me. A little more back story, I feel, would have made this a perfect story.

That seems to be a recurring theme with a good number of stories. I don't know if you were rushed to finish or what have you, and this part goes out to all the readers, but take your time.