Article
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careless times for careless minds
do we miss or ignore the signs?
a thin mist hangs
concealing time
drifting backward, so sublime
the earth is broken, pushed from hell
a fungus grows, bloats and swells
parasitic,stealing lives
grass will slice you like our knives
concrete crumbles, saturated by rain
the clouds are dark and heavy again
from the watchtower who can see?
observing the work at the factory
the river runs down
through the mill
waterwheels turn, never stay still
cogs will grind and crank and turn
to lower the rope and fill the urn
the well is boiling, hot and cramped
one hundred mules hooves tramped and stamped
the boilers rumble, whistle and steam
this is not unlike a dream
conveyor belts spew out paper
turning drinking water into vapour
by the lake that lies asleep
birds bow their heads to fill their beaks
and break the surface, once so sleek
the crow flies straight and disrupts the mist
to purch on the clocktower
bulit by fist
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There were some interesting visuals in this piece...
The vocabulary brought a nice effect, as well as the dark theme.
Let's be blunt: You let the rhyme control you.
The flow was really off because you tried way too hard to make the lines rhyme. That kind of detracted fr... (
read more)
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