The words "Tropical Envy" caught my attention. Did you write this for the May 2008 Newgrounds Writing Competition? "Tropical envy, a recipe for mayhem" was one of the required themes, but I never saw you submit this story to the contest.
Also, cheers for the review. I know there was some run on sentences and a few words which were redunant, but I only noticed them after I submitted the article ( sods law eh?).
Shall try the reading aloud trick to pick up on things next time.
Actually, it might be even better if you have someone else read it through, just to catch all the mistakes you might miss. When I try to proofread my own writing, I often look over some of the simplest mistakes because I already know what it's supposed to say and my brain automatically fixes it for me. Missing words and repeated words can be the easiest ones to miss, which is a real pain in the ass when you leave out a word like "not" and it completely changes the meaning of the sentence.
Sitting on the beach again. Throwing stones into the blue.
I always come back here. Every time.
Shake myself off and start again.
It started on the morning of the fight.
I was tetchy, obviously – knowing your head is going to hit the canvas is not nice.
But three grand is three grand.
Five hundred people cheering as your knees buckle.
But...
