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The Atheist sat in the café and smirked with satisfaction as he inhaled the precious stench that he had created. Breaking wind, like all other things, gave him a unique feeling of self-importance. He glanced at his watch with the kind of indifference a crack-whore paid to a penis, and sipped leisurely at a Frappuccino.
The Atheist was the type of man who ate his Sugar Puffs in alphabetical order. No nonsense. He knew how he liked the world, and he manipulated it as such. The only time he was genuinely worried or upset was when he was not following a routine. There was no need for an afterlife when death was part of a routine.
The Atheist contemplated ordering something to eat, but thought better of it. He surveyed a woman sitting at a table opposite his. He watched her as she nibbled on a muffin. She was very attractive, in a general sense. She wore a beret. Too much lipstick.
Sitting at the end of the table was a Dead Wasp. The Atheist scrunched his face as he observed the corpse with an un-professional look of disgust. He approached the wasp with his finger in position to flick it off the table, but remembered he had been advised the stinger remained intact after death. He re-considered his physical offensive and instead attemped to engage the Dead Wasp in a Religious debate.
"You don't seriously believe you're going to Heaven do you?" the Atheist snorted.
The Dead Wasp made no attempt to respond.
The Atheist looked around the café to ensure nobody else was watching him, and then moved his face closer to the Dead Wasp.
"This is the end of the line for you my friend. There's nowhere to go from here. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, Valhalla. I have my own name for it - FALSE HOPE! Yes, you heard me!" the Atheist challenged.
The Dead Wasp remained motionless. A Waitress approached the table, the Atheist looked up from the Dead Wasp with wide-eyed bewilderment.
"Would you like the bill, sir?" the Waitress smiled.
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Posted Aug 18, 2008
This article was quite funny. I enjoyed the orderly way that the atheist thought, and I can think of quite a few people in my life who think like this. I like how the dead wasp becomes a character in itself and is capitilized.
I thought that this article could have acheived the same... (
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