A Hero

It was a complete cliche, but I guess that there has to be one on a site like this so that people don't just keep submitting things like this. The story wasn't very original, and the characters were shallower than my soup bowl. There wasn't enough content for me to create a bond with the characters, so I never felt bad for the son when he was dyin under the water. There were some mechanical errors, as previously stated by Justin, such as the switching of perspectives.

We had a few problems with mechanics. You constantly kept switching points-of-view: first person from the son's perspective, first person from father's perspective, and even third person at times. That's a big no no. Pick a point-of-view and stick to it. The characters were extremely weak, I didn't know hardly anything about them, I didn't care about them, and they never even shared a line of dialog. The set-up was way to cliche and predictable, I've heard this story a thousand times. I know it's hard nowadays, but you have to try to be original. Everything needed to be described better so I could get a clearer mental image, you did an ok job of that, but it didn't create that excitement and intensity I think you were going for. The whole thing came and went much too fast. This story needed a lot more meat on it.