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2009.
It sucked, for the most part. I can recall a few very good things that happened to me. For example, I met an amazing person named Daniel in October who has changed me a lot, and I like to think that change is for the better. And also, I became the aunt of an adorable little girl. But even though I try to be postive, a lot of bad things happened in 2009. In December of 2008, a couple days before christmas, a friend of mine commited suicide. I didn't know him very well, but he propibly knew me better then I know myself. He inspired me a lot in life, and he really helped me out when I was dealing with things like depression, suicidal thoughts, abusing subtance, ect. For the record, I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about ten years old. I just turned 15 in November 2009. Well the death of my friend was the first experience I had with death. I had been to a few funerals when I was little, but they were for people I didn't even know. For example, my great grandfather and my great uncle, my fathers cousin, ect. When I was abou 7or 8, my friends older sister passed away, but I was too young to understand anything about it and I hardly even remember going to the funeral. So this first experience of someone I know and love dying really hit me hard. I spent about two months in my room, staring at my wall or ceiling for literally hours. And then the one person who could help me, Bec, told me that she didn't want to talk or hang out anymore. I haven't heard from her since. And to hide from the pain of losing Bec, I overrreacted about the suicide of my other friend. I tottally blocked out any feelings about Bec, and just spent all of my time moruning the death of my friend. So 2009 had a really rough start. I started having nightmeres about my friends. I dreamed that I was the one who discovered my friend when he commited suicide. And when I was awake, I swear I could hear a screaming or crying child. I would think it was my little sister, but when I would check on her, nothing would be wrong. This happened several times. Also, I started to talk to items. I would pick a flower when going for a walk, and talk to it as if it was responding to me. I also heard my friend who commited suicide talking to me. Sometimes I would be walking through a hallway at my local theater and I would hear him whisper my name. I'd turn around hoping to see that it was someone else, but there was never anyone there. These things continued to haunt me for months. In October, I was cast in a play at my local theater and thats when I met my best friend. He was running lights and sound for my show, and I started talking to him. It just sort of took off from there. I've never met anyone so amazing. He's always there for me, and he doesn't get mad when I go on about how sucky my life has been. He offers advice when he can, but most of the time he doens't know what to say. I never expect him to know exactly what to say, but I find it so comforting that he still listens, and thats really what helps the most. He also respects me as a person,. unlike other guys I've hung out with. He doesn't try to get in my pants all the time like some other friends used to do before I stopped hanging out with them. He's helped me a lot. Someone else I met is a priest from a Catholic church thats a little far off from my house. I've met him 3 or 4 times, and every time he has inspired me to become a better person, and helped me get closer to God. I still have suicidal thoughts a lot, but I'm never going to hurt myself because I went throught the pain of losing a friend to suicide and I would NEVER put anyone else through that same thing. I'm still depressed a lot too. But the difference is that I"m no ALWAYS depressed and I don't ALWAYS think of hurting myself. I'd like to thank Daniel and God for that. Sometimes, I hate my life. But when I'm with my best friend, I don't. I don't think I'm ever going to be completly healed from this depression, but I do think that with the help of God, Daniel and lots of time, I can at least get better.
"Never tell anyone you hate them, because they could be gone the next day and you'll live your life regretting those words and wishing you had said you loved them"
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